Love & Time The Healer

by Trace on December 20, 2010

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.
Abraham Lincoln

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.
Confucious

I interviewed Dawn in Chapter 11 of my book and here are the key messages:

Dawn, Can you tell me about your daughter’s depression and your journey?
In the beginning my daughter Belinda, started to shut herself away a lot from people. It started first with her family, and then it grew to all her friends.

She kept a lot of secrets about how she was feeling.

LonelyManShe could sit and talk to people and look totally at ease and happy, and then go for days where she didn’t want to see anyone or go anywhere or do anything. She became a loner. She would just sit for days and not want to see anyone.

She described the feeling as constant pain, a pain that someone might feel if someone they love dies or leaves them. Instead of it going away or lessening, I think the pain was there from the moment she woke until the moment she went to sleep at night. Nightmares. Terrible. Shocking nightmares. She kept taking all her anti-depressants and yet she spiralled downwards. She got so bad that she wouldn’t get out of the bed. With the stress and hurt of it all, she also suffered severe migraines. She was full of absolute anger—so angry. I’ve never seen anyone so angry; she was almost ready to explode all the time.

You can, as a carer, have all these tactics to get them help, but unless they want to go, you can’t do anything.
Belinda was scared and afraid. She had paranoia, anxiety, everything just kept getting worse, absolutely worse and worse until I felt desperate, absolutely desperate.

Unless that person wants to go and seek help, no one can help them.

How did you manage to take care of yourself during that stage?
I used to tell myself that I couldn’t let anything happen to me, because there was nowhere else for her; no one else would understand what she was going through.

At what point did you begin to get an understanding of what was going on with Belinda?
ClockDaliSwirlProbably, nearly a year after it started. I didn’t know where to go. A psychiatrist actually rejected helping her, because she’d been there and they couldn’t see any improvement after months. That was at her really low level.

I spent a lot of time on the internet. I’d try and find things that she could read that might be self-help, answers to her questions; I spent hours, hours and hours. What she was doing was letting me searchfor answers.

Belinda actually told someone that if Mum couldn’t save her, no one could.

What she was doing locking herself away, was healing, slowly.

Time is the great healer.

She knew that my love for her was enough that I would search for things to help her. If I stopped, she would think, ‘Oh, no one can help me now.’

How did you actually find the person that helped you? What made a difference?
I read about a hypnotherapist in the local paper. I managed to get Belinda to go to a lady who does hypnotherapy. I actually saw how bad Belinda’s thinking was….

What is the most important advice that anyone has ever given you on this journey?
The Hypnotherapists advice, which I followed, is the best thing I did. I had done everything humanly possible.
I actually had a plan for every time one failed, I’d have another one. I was actually searching for the next plan when I got that advice. The advice she gave me was to step back. She said that I can’t put her in cotton wool for the rest of her life. She has to be able to make the decision to live or die. My daughter is strong girl.

Not long after that a friend of Belinda’s came around unannounced. Belinda refused to see anyone and had a panic attack if she thought they were coming. The friend who came was an old friend, and she just turned up one day. She had pretty bad problems of her own with a marriage break-up and three kids. Belinda wanted to help her, and put her own problems aside.

I also found Belinda watching the Victorian bush fires on television. She was in tears. She was starting to see the real world again. Belinda went and stayed with her girlfriend which was amazing to me, absolutely amazing. When she came home, her headache was pretty bad for a few days. Then a few weeks later, Belinda told me she is planning to move out and get a place of her own.

MoonStar

How does that make you feel?

Over the moon. Absolutely, Over the Moon. It’s a big job, being a carer.

Read more of Dawn’s heart centred story (Chapter 11) to learn and understand How To Overcome Stress or Depression Naturally

stressbook1Visit www.HowToOvercomeStressNaturally.com for Daily Mindfulness Activities and much more free stuff to help you…

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